A few days ago, for no particular reason, I found myself googling Lisa Frank. Don’t give me that blank stare, you know who she is. You owned her trapper keepers, notebooks, pencils, folder, and stickers – YOU DID. They were covered in neon baby tigers and magical unicorns eating lollypops and you loved it. You were proud.

As I was wading through the images, sifting through the puppy dogs and polar bears I formed a scientific hypothesis. Now, I’m not a woman of science but I am vaguely familiar with the scientific method. It begins with a hypothesis, followed by an experiment which than proves or disproves said hypothesis. Results are then communicated. Without further ado, I state my hypothesis: Lisa Frank Liked Drugs. Evidence to follow.

What I really want to know about this particular picture is where on earth would the water temperature be appropriate for both a dolphin and a seal? I’m pretty sure 2/3 individuals in this picture would die in a sub-arctic climate.

Ring Ring! It’s your shellphone! (pun intended) If I had to give this mermaid one word of advice it would be this: cellular devices are NOT waterproof. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way.

Oh hey, do you know what time it is? Just time for the most awkward ballet ever.

If you’re like me, you think pandas are pretty swell! You know what’s not swell? Letting one paint your house. Look at the sloppy job this bitch did.

Speaking of Pandas, this particular one gives me night terrors. I’m not really sure if it’s a panda pretending to be a woman or woman pretending to be panda, but in any event; I’m literally terrified. Some people might be scared of running into a rapist or a crook in a dark alley, but this animal/human hybrid is # 1 on my list of “Things I don’t want to run into in a dark alley.”

Well what do you know? It’s everyone’s FAVORITE homo-erotic polar bear! Rainbows, I understand, are as common in subarctic climates as dolphins and girls on surfboards are. In his spare time, this coy polar bear enjoys dancing, singing, fighting for gay rights, and wearing assless leather chaps.

He also enjoys spending lots of time with his equally sassy tiger friend Ramone (as pictured here in his senior portrait.)

Watch out for this sassy duo at your local karaoke bar! They are sure to steal the stage with their sweet outfits and vocal stylings. Girls swoon over their coveralls that say “hip-hop” and and shorts plastered with the words: “yo yo yo.” In case you’re wondering, their favorite song to sing is “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips. You wouldn’t guess that, would you?

Look at this little treasure. There’s no “pussy” footin’ around it – she is an certainly the most angelic little kitten I’ve ever seen!

Sweet ice cream sundae Lisa Frank. Is this what you go for when you’re stoned? Judging by your artwork I’m willing to bet you’re under the influence of some pretty magical marijuana I’d say….110% of the time.

What I really would like to know, is what is in that popcorn that makes magical rainbow beams of light appear?

I’m only asking because I want some.

Seriously Lisa, who are you getting your pot from?

Unicorns are such a Lisa Frank STAPLE.

I am pretty sure the one on the left is farting rainbows.

Farting.

Rainbows.

And this woman is a millionaire.